Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Vexing and Vicious Violence at VURAS pt II

Continuation from here...

I resent all suggestions and assumptions that Milo was the object of an a** whooping and blacked out during the encounter. I do believe that the training took over during the encounter and, being in that state of limbo where body, mind + chi are one, normal memories are not available within cerebrum.

Anyway, back to the story… where was I…

I remember said wathii attempting to attack Priti, I remember Zee and I rushing to join in the fray, I remember trying to unleash a Shaolin temple kick with accompanying “kiaiiiiii”, I remember nothing else…

Morning memories
Next thing I remember was the cool breeze of the morning wind outside Carni sobering me up… I found myself within the confines of the cloak-room between the drive-in entrance and exit, Zee by my side… Being 6 feet (4 minus 4)” and Zee being slightly taller than a hottentot pygmy, we were as innocuously unnoticeable as a Ugandan chick’s butt amongst Japanese ones or the pink lips on those Nubians in Asterix. Surprise of all surprises was that Priti Bwaai was not amongst the cloak-room tenants. Turns out that he’s pals with the bouncers hence they let him off with a stern-ish warning…

A** whopped my diabs
I had a sharp pain in my ribs which I attributed to the spoils of war during the preceding battle… I was later to find out that it was as a consequence of a poorly executed kick, that allowed Milo’s body to commune with the floor, having met full-force with plain air at a grand height of about 3 feet… Said body was ferried by oh-so gracious bouncers straight to the cloakroom, the excessive 70kgs of weight straining their well-built, well-exercised muscles…

Mojo from the dojo
Anyway, I still believe that the years training and meditation led to my complete annihilation of all opponents using the Drunken master technique. The rib injury could only have resulted from a strain during my execution of a battery of kicks interspersed with cart-wheels. If you don’t believe me, ask Ekipara. This bad-a** dude certified my hands and feet as lethal weapons after an encounter behind the playground swings, All Saints Cathedral nursery, late 70s, early 80s… I must have levitated from the confines of carnivore to the captivity of the cloak-room. There can (and will) be no other explanation…

Epilogue
The rest of the encounter entailed:
  • Free transport to Langata police station
  • Pleading, beseeching, apologies, cajoling
  • The usual parting between fools and their beks
  • Postponement of an certain early morning meeting due to “something urgent has come up” reasons

No more scoopers support for me, no more rasa rescues… My Shaolin techniques are an option of the last resort!!!

15 Comments:

Blogger Msanii_XL said...

Tangu!

"No more scoopers support for me, no more rasa rescues… My Shaolin techniques are an option of the last resort!!!"

...ha ha funny funny. Atleast the other loonies will fear our room

Wednesday, August 31, 2005 6:55:00 PM  
Blogger Guessaurus said...

*preceeded by hysterical laughter - and a jiggy dance to the tune of "ne ne ne ne ne"*

Ok, you were doing ok there with the disclaimer, till my ribs started to hurt in sympathetic laughter...

I am prescribing pain killers, knew it/you were whooped suppressors, motion restrictors (especially for legs and arms - lest you wanna start kicking and screaming at nurse), shame inhibitors, pride enhancers and a whole dose of 'sit in the corner and wipe that smug look off your face' straight-jacket simulators :)

@Msanii - if there is GBH in the asylum, you too will be held accountable...

Thursday, September 01, 2005 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

stick to the levitation story...goes very well with the "kiaiii" sound effected shaolin kick! lol at "Free transport to Langata police station"...u had me rolling on the floor. love it love it love it.

Thursday, September 01, 2005 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger Prousette said...

pole sana "levitation??" Nah....
*hysterical giggles*

Thursday, September 01, 2005 2:24:00 PM  
Blogger Milonare said...

@msanii
Remember, its only as a last resort... Don't go chokozaring wasee and expect support ;) Lakini, if they strike first... kiaiiii!!!

@guess
Auuuwu... Ati shame inhibitors? LOL

With all these pills being popped its a wonder I'm not yet comatose ;) Nick, help!!!

@kipepeo
That's the one and only true story - say with me - that's the one and only true story...

@prousette
Nimepoa... But you should save most of the condolences for my opponents - if only I could remember who they were and how they fared - mmmmmmmhhh

LOL

Given enough yoga its possible (levitating) - don't trash it before you try it ;)

Thursday, September 01, 2005 4:22:00 PM  
Blogger akiey5 said...

Nimecheka kama mjinga,lol!! Eti..."Free transport to Langata police station". Milo, your battery kicks are a life saver indeed. Next time am brawling with some assh*les I'll make sure the Shaolin Master is around.
Very entertaining series you have here!

Friday, September 02, 2005 8:12:00 AM  
Blogger Nakeel said...

Milo tell us the truth the transport to Langata was not free for before u were 'washiriwad' u had to say something to the OCPD...

Friday, September 02, 2005 9:29:00 AM  
Blogger Nakeel said...

The storo wuuuuiii am just in laughter...

Friday, September 02, 2005 9:31:00 AM  
Blogger nick said...

hee hee hee.ebu tell them of your karate/shaolin prowess...amidst ur kicking and screaming an dbeing bitch beat down!
-what ever happened to akina obelix and cacaphonix in aterix?
-hey i went to that nursery school. were u ever a victim of that loo that locked you in, and no amount of tears could free you?akina mrs pereira/waga..

Friday, September 02, 2005 9:32:00 AM  
Blogger Milonare said...

@akiey
Thanks bro... Ninjitsu, jujitsu, fujitsu services readily available to the KBW family...

@naks
LOL at washiriwad...

Hela talks you know ;)

@nick
Hahahaha... I chapad one guys shoe with my ribs and another guys fist with my stomach. You should have seen me, KBW would have been proud!!!

I miss those guys, especially cacophonix. He should hook up with Ogopa deejays. They'll sort his muziki out!!!

The tois were fine during my days. Just remember Mrs Kola and a Mrs Thorn I think...

Friday, September 02, 2005 11:41:00 AM  
Blogger nick said...

yeah mrs kola was the headmistress that i remember! it was a kajisty place!

Friday, September 02, 2005 12:55:00 PM  
Blogger Milonare said...

Ya.

And the bicuz and squash at break a-la-laa-laaa...

Mmmmmm tasty!

Friday, September 02, 2005 4:12:00 PM  
Blogger akiey5 said...

Milo, while we're at it with the diff martial arts (and Marital Arts chez Blue & Mshairi), could we also learn some blogitsu to ward off the jingafull spammers!?

Friday, September 02, 2005 9:33:00 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

thats the one and only true story...says a very dazed kipepeo.

Monday, September 05, 2005 11:50:00 AM  
Blogger Milonare said...

@akiey
The word verification option under comments settings delivers a good twangaring to spammers sp*rm-area...

@Butterfly
You are getting sleepy... You are getting very sleepy!!!

Monday, September 05, 2005 3:39:00 PM  

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