Vexing and Vicious Violence in VURAS pt I

Vexing and Vicious Violence in VURAS (mvumilivu hula mbiVU – maRASa) pt I

The brilliant posts on night-life encounters doing the rounds in KBW (gishungwa and guess )brought back a flood of memories from my nights out in Nairobi...

Assess those assets
We, men-folk are notorious for tapping the tanye, dabbling with diabs and/or pinching the posterior when out in the club. Nowadays, chicks have also joined the butt brigade - you flaunt it, I feel it - and it’s not uncommon to experience a rear-side reaction to a feminine feel.

From a male perspective, one needs to be very discerning and cautious, as the advance may be taken well or badly, very badly. Let’s just say there are two major consequences to the butt attack:

• Copious careless caresses (if you’re lucky) - Triple C
• Embarrassing ejection from establishment (if you ain’t) - Triple E

The latter seems to out-populate the former 99:1 for the gents. Wonder what it is for the ladies, 1:99 perhaps??

Rocknite Rules
You are either part of:

• the Kenya-Nite crew that is still undecided at midnight whether to rush to Carni, head home or stay put
• the Already-in-Carni crew that have by now replaced the sweat of running to beat the 9 o’clock buzzer with sweat from dancing mzungu-style to that wonderful rock mix.

My pal Zee and I decided to rush to Carni from K-Nite despite my early morning meeting the next day (ooops - on that day). We arrived just to find our good pal Priti Bwaai buying liquor like Prohibition was going to hit KBL the next day.

All was well until he insisted… three hours later… as we were finally heading home… to buy us each a couple of parting shots. Chumvi kwa mkono, meza chumvi, bottoms up, ndimu, eishhhhh (y’all know that tequila drill).

Fist of Fury
A threesome of (slightly) tipsy buddies then began the staggering trek from Kichaka bar to the exit. Enroute, Priti spots this damsel and decides to tap… no, that does not describe it… grab… not yet, not descriptive enough.. scoop… yes, that’s it, scoop the chick’s posterior.

Yani, the guy okotad a bucketful of buttock, a truckload of tanye, a drum-full of diab!!! Unfortunately, Manzi wa Nairobi was not unaccompanied. She was with her posse – wathii wa mathree, wasee wa mtaa…

I remember said wathii attempting to attack Priti, I remember Zee and I rushing to join in the fray, I remember trying to unleash a Shaolin temple kick with accompanying “kiaiiiiii”, I remember nothing else…

To be continued…